Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The Scientific Method: Week 11 (Abbrev.)

Once a year, on the shores of Galgalek, near the towering Mt. Enduin, a scenic valley is disrupted from the normal pursuit of life. Animals scurry into caves, hide under rocks, and in trees. The very clouds appear to dim, casting a depressing pall over the entire sum of the region. Even the wind hints at discontent, whispering a message of dismay as it flits over loping hills and around overgrown bushes and ferns.

"The academics are coming......sssssss......"

"The academics are coming......sssssss......"

For, at a time known only to themselves, various communication scholars from across the world gather here to discuss studies of equitable relationships, the phenomenon of friends with benefits, and the correlation between the communication of affection and an individual's rise in cholesterol. It is a time of immense insufferability, hints of grandeur, and, for many, a few dozen trips to the mini-bar.

Needless to say, I am going to said convention this week, leaving tomorrow, which means that I must submit for you my scientific picks today, a Wednesday, leaving me at a severe disadvantage for no apparent reason. Who knows? I might learn a piece of information about communication over the weekend, one bit that I will gladly share with all of you loyal readers (except for Jimmy McWhiskers, who wishes us to stick only to the realm of sporting events and various tomfoolery).

I should (nay, I MUST), though, mention one other bit of my week. My regular night class was cancelled yesterday (praise be to the Most High), leaving me home on a Tuesday night with little to watch (unless I wanted to talk with my wife ). To my surprise, a new game show was appearing on ABC starring one William Shatner, one "Show Me The Money".

I watched this show for about fifteen minutes. I wish to tell you all to flee from ever considering doing the same. Take this warning, for the sake of your family, for your children, and for your love of life itself. All I saw was a looooong dance sequence with fifteen bee-yoo-tiful ladies (stealing from "Deal or No Deal"), William Shatner dancing (not bee-yoo-tiful in the least), a contestent dancing multiple times (there's gay, there's super-duper-nuper-kee-uper gay, and then there's this contestant), and questions that wouldn't challenge Earl Hickey, like "On what show did the Soup Nazi say, "No soup for you!"" This guy won $220,000 for knowing that. That is boggling to the gray area known as the mind. So..... please..... for your sake.....

On to the picks!

Atlanta at Baltimore
Let me get this straight. Michael Vick sucked against Detroit. Michael Vick sucked against Cleveland. Michael Vick is now playing Baltimore. What is the logical conclusion of this progression? I can't believe that I am actually picking Baltimore to go 8-2. Great googly-moogly.
Scientific Pick: Baltimore

Buffalo at Houston
Well, here's a game that we can all care about not even slightly. Losman! Carr! Gado! A-Train! Jauron! It's an actual NFL game! Seriously, though, it's time to see if Houston can just picture Jacksonville's jerseys on another NFL team.
Scientific Pick: Houston

Chicago at NY Jets
I was completely wrong on the Jets before this season started. I freely admit that. I thought they would be absolutely atrocious. However, that win against the Pats really showed me something. Specifically, it showed me that they won't get blown out by Chicago.
Scientific Pick: Chicago

Cincinnati at New Orleans
Cincinnati, where are you? You were supposed to go to the Super Bowl, buddies! Your defense allowed 42 points in a single half to a Marty-led team! Wowsers! By the way, New Orleans' defense has been figured out. They're thin and weak at the seams. I expect this to be another high-scoring affair.
Scientific Pick: Cincinnati

Minnesota at Miami
Minnesota has just looked atrocious on offense ever since whupping us. That feels awesome, by the way, thanks. Miami just beat Chicago and Kansas City in a turn of events that can only be called.... whaaaaa? Well, why not play the hot hand here?
Scientific Pick: Miami

New England at Green Bay
New England has just lost two games in a row, causing the residents of Boston to completely lose all grip on reality and believe that their baseball team just spent $50 million simply to talk to a free agent pitcher.
Scientific Pick: New England

Oakland at Kansas City
My refusal to talk about anthing Oakland is still in effect. Good move by Kansas City starting Trent Green, however.
Scientific Pick: Kansas City

Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Now, if Pittsburgh wins their next seven games, they will be 10-6, with a shot at the postseason. Game #1 in their quest should be a snap.
Scientific Pick: Pittsburgh

St. Louis at Carolina
I'm actually a tad torn on this one. St. Louis has lost four in a row, including two to us, which is frigging sweet. Carolina simply hasn't looked good, including their win on Monday night. I'm actually going to go on a limb here.
Scientific Pick: St. Louis

Tennessee at Philadelphia
Buh. Vince Young against that ferocious Philly defense isn't a matchup that I relish watching.
Scientific Pick: Philly

Washington at Tampa Bay
Hey! These teams were both supposed to be good entering the year! Now it is the battle of Gradkowski versus Campbell, with absolutely nothing at stake. Nothing against nothing means going with my old stalwart, never picking a rookie quarterback making his first start.
Scientific Pick: Tampa Bay

Detroit at Arizona
Oh, man, this is terrible. What a terrible game.
Scientific Pick: Detroit

Seattle at San Francisco
I picked against us last week, and they gladly proved me wrong. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice in a row.
Scientific Pick: Seattle

Indianapolis at Dallas
Indy is on the trek to be 16-0 yet again! Boo-yah! 16-0! Yes!
Scientific Pick: Dallas

San Diego at Denver
If this game was in San Diego, I would pick San Diego. This game is in Denver. I pick Denver
Scientific Pick: Denver

NY Giants at Jacksonville
Both Eli Manning and David Garrard looked flat out awful last week. The one with the best chance of turning that around? Neither, but I hear Tiki Barber is pretty sweet.
Scientific Pick: NY Giants

posted by colin_hesse @ 2:31 PM  0 comments


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