Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Week 4: The Absence of Awesomeness

Last week the story was the utter domination of Seattle against the pansies from New York.

THIS week the story..... well, it is a tad different.

Tipped towards the side of ass-kicking.

Honestly? That was the most embarrassed I had been as a Seahawks fan since the playoff loss to St. Louis, a game that we decided to hand to the Rams. "Here, we don't want to win a playoff game at home. Take our fan's hearts. We don't care."

My normal good, bad, and ugly roundup doesn't quite work for this game, mostly because the entire game was as ugly as post-1990 Carrie Fisher. However, here are a few thoughts that Gavin and I have both had as we continue to process the why of what transpired Sunday night.

-- The Jerome Bettis Factor: How could I not see it? Jerome Bettis, in all of his fat, overvalued glory (what award did he just win? Best person of the world?) overlooking the first game in Seattle since he did absolutely nothing in the Super Bowl except providing the rest of the Steelers with his mental powers necessary to allow Willie Parker to run free and refs to call chop-blocking calls on a tackle, ready to put his voodoo magic on the Hawks. And voodoo he did, after once again phoning in a completely idiotic performance on "Football Night in America". By the way, four weeks into that show..... ouch. Sterling Sharpe is the least knowledgable person to be on a football highlights show since Shannon Sharpe. Chris Collingsworth just smirks and smarms through the entire hour, making me want to hit him at least seventeen times. Bob Costas actually looks to be a tad befuddled ("I'm getting paid to do this with these people?"), and Jerome Bettis usually thrusts his ring at the camera before analyzing absolutely nothing. I hate to say it, but Michael Irvin is better then the vast majority of this panel. The "couch" shtick is stupid, the one attempt at analysis every week (sponsored by Quarter Pounders) is weak and adds nothing, and then they simply have about fifteen "awards" for us at home to vote on, and then Peyton Manning or Brett Favre wins. Fantastic. You suck. Oh, and don't get me started on getting Pink to do the intro song. How did that meeting happen?

"Gentlemen, we need a rocker to really get people excited to watch some football in our intro. Suggestions?"

"We could get a rapper. They're hip and know how to get intense."

"Yes, but they're also black. That's out. Any other ideas?"

"We could get a group like The Killers, or Green Day."

"They'd probably ask for too much money. No......."

"Well, if you want someone who would do it for absolutely nothing, how about Pink? She looks exactly like a horse, is large enough to play in the NFL, and acts really intense even as her songs sound like crap!"

"Johnson, you're frigging brilliant. Make sure that she's wearing several outfits that should never be worn by women her size, that she makes sexy faces to the screen that induce vomiting, and finish it off with some lame kick to emphasize her sheer awesomeness, and we have ourselves a winner!"

"Now, who's up for a chocolate smoothie?"

Unfortunately, ESPN's intro where the city turns into a football stadium and people like Eva Longoria and Ashton Kutcher pick up a helmet rivals NBC in pure ridiculousness (along with throwing in about fifteen GMC logos throughout the proceedings).

Ah yes, the game. Right.

-- Enter Bad Holmgren. We haven't seen Bad Holmgren in a while, ever since Coach was FINALLY convinced that our offense became better when we ran the football more than we passed the football. Bad Holmgren believes that his passing scheme is so genuis, so incredibly unstoppable, that he will deem the running game irrelevant and pass about 50 times a game with predictable routes, running in utterly predictable situations like 2nd and 10, or 3rd and 15, so that he can claim later that the running game wasn't working. Our offense was INSANELY predictable on Sunday night. I was actually calling the plays before the snap, including the audible to Mack Strong on our first drive. It appeared that we missed Shaun not only for his drive and ability to score touchdowns, but also for the simple fact that Shaun FORCES Holmgren to leave part of his pass-guru ego at the door and become a better offensive mind for it.

-- As we kept on passing, passing, and passing away, it was inevitable that Matt Hasselbeck would look bad. The Bears weren't stupid. They rushed four and dropped seven back into coverage. Seven guys covering four receivers...... that can work. Ask Carolina when we destroyed them in the postseason last year. As our offensive line got worn down and the defensive line realized they didn't need to even pretend to defend against the run, Hass got more and more pressure thrust at him, so suddenly he looked skittish in the pocket even against less than stellar amounts of pressure.

-- Boy, we need Shaun in the red zone, don't we? This might be going out on a limb, but I do believe that we would have scored a TD at least one of the two times that we faced 1st and goal. Shaun doesn't let any defense stand between him and the goal line. Never has.

-- Our front four with OUR defense couldn't generate any pressure, especially our ends, including vastly overpaid Grant Wistrom, who has done basically jack squat this year while being one of our highest paid players. Grossman had PLENTY of time to survey the field at will, resulting in the above average 3rd down percentage. Coverages can't hold out forever, and Grossman found the open man.

-- Injuries DID play a factor. No Boulware meant passes over the top. No Tubbs meant no run-stuffer inside. No Babineaux meant less depth at corner. No Shaun obviously meant a lot of things. Same with no Stevens. Chris Gray wasn't healthy and probably shouldn't have been playing, and Tommy Harris made him pay. As the coaches have been saying, this is one of the few circumstances where you are glad for the early bye.

-- Give uber-props to Chicago. They proved to be the best in the NFC as of now. Grossman continues to improve, that passing game looks great, and the defense, of course, is dominant. However, this is still Week 4. A LOT can happen in the meantime.

-- Bottom line: We are 3-1 heading into the bye week. Last year we were 2-2 at this point, after having lost a heartbreak to Washington where I finally lost it and called for Mike Holmgren to be canned.The rest of our division sucks, including St. Louis, and we have a fairly easy schedule the rest of the way. Be easy, my heart.

posted by colin_hesse @ 3:17 PM  0 comments

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