Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Seattle Sports Fan Voting Guide

Since the average Seattle sports fan spends more time these days worrying about Matt Hasselback's knees, wondering where the Sonics will be next year,speculatingg about unexciting M's free agentpossibilitiess and waiting for Husky basketball to get interesting, you might not be so ready to tackle the current state of representative republicanism and make a decision come November 7th. That's a long sentence. I'm assuming you plan to vote. C'mon, we're the sate that voted for Hubert Humphrey that one time. Plus, it's not like anyone else is posting here.

Focus :: Congress
In case your last civics class was more than 20 minutes ago, congress is responsible for a number of things like creating laws, punishing pirates (I'm serious--Article I, section 8) and taxing the hell out of us. There are two kinds of congresspersons: Senators (each state gets two) and Representatives (each state gets a few dozen. At least the states that matter). Fun things congress gets to do that the president doesn't: declare war, create law, regulate trade between us and foreign nations, coin money (why do we still have the penny?), run post offices, impeach presidents and maintain interstate highways. Neat, huh?

Sigh. You choices for Washingtonian US Senator are:

Maria "Dot-com Debt" Cantwell (D): "Every day I'm working hard to put Washington first, keeping costs down for energy, health care and education." (Washington Voter's Pamphlet Statement) Sounds good to me. I enjoy how Republicans, Enron, President Bush and Oil Tankers are all in the same category later in the same statement as well. However, I don't like how she consistently votes "spend" while the budget goes deeper in debt. Why is it only the government that gets to spend what it doesn't have? Couldn't the M's benefit from a deficit spending push? You know, go and buy out some contracts? Hmm... I wonder if she roots for the Storm or Reign or whatever Seattle's WNBA team is.

Mike "Rapidly Receding Hairline" McGavick (R): His ads on TV are annoying, and I don't even have a TV. I'm sure saving SAFECO is exactly like being Senator. Also, stop telling me why the other candidate sucks (same goes for you Cantwell) and tell me what you're going to do. Don't tell me you're an awesome leader either, I can do that. The issues? Deficit spending (!), terrorism and border security. I like these issues, but he's a little short on specifics and I don't know all the party mumbo jumbo. I guess those issues could really be cutting essential services, pissing away the Bill of Rights and deporting foreigners. Mike seems to be the candidate most likely to be a bandwagon Hawks fan. Still... bust out a throwback Largent jersey and you might get my vote. Seriously, the first candidate I see...

Bruce "Peacefriend" Guthrie (L): Apparently "Libertarian" means vague. "I'm committed to restoring the great American promise for this generation, and those to come." Sounds good, but what does it mean? How? What's your plan? The issues according to Bruce are: Peace, Freedom, Hope and Values. Awesome. Probably blogs about Japanese baseball in his free time.

Robin "Loves Unicorns" Adair (I): I'd love to vote independent, but not for a candidate that CAN'T FORM COMPLETE SENTENCES! Check out this actual quote from the voter's guide, "The Sub-Economy. Moving more money than Economy itself. Not Measured. Paying few taxes. Unrecognized, totally man-made (no plagues, asteroids...)." ASTEROIDS? What the hell!? Just might be an M's fan. Or at least a Hargrove fan. It smells like the same kind of crazy.

Aaron "Couldn't Think of a Nickname That Wasn't Extremely Racist" Dixon (G): At least he's got a few specific plans (and reasons) included in his statement. He does get carried away--that is, his to-do list is way longer than his term. How will he prioritize? Who knows! Too bad I don't think the war in Iraq is much of an election issue or care he marched with MLK. It's all great and everything, but neither is a reason why I'd vote for/against you. I do like the bit about, "Fighting for the rights of working people, native-born and immigrant alike." That sounds good. Might actually be a Hawks fan too.

Bottom line :: I'd vote for Chuck Knox or an inebriated (Even if there's nothing else we've accomplished here at CrushedOptimists, at least we've firmly established that "inebriated" is the funniest of all the synonyms for drunk.) primate before any of these yahoos.

Now it's time to take a look at our choices for representative (by district)! Washington gets 9 of these for some reason. By "our", I mean the districts in and around King county. I'm still registered for Chelan country so I get to boggle my mind over Dick Wright or Doc Hastings! Booyah. Seriously, my entire ballot has three (D)s on it.

District 1: Jay Inslee (D) vs. Larry W. Ishmael (R)
Race slogan: "Either way, it's more of the same!"

This is how you know you're in trouble: when both candidates' statements start like this: "America is the greatest country on earth," (Inslee) and "There is no greater nation in the world that the one we call home," (Ishmael). It gets worse when they are BOTH committed to conservative fiscal policy, crossing party lines, protecting the environment and tightening our security. Are they the same guy or what? It's like choosing between Ponder and Scobey to return kicks. Not really a central issue. At least Inslee voted against the war in Iraq, which is a plus if that matters to you and thus is one of the few congressmen who have any integrity on the issue. Ishmael gets points taken away because he used "bitter partisanship" more than once in his statement.

District 7: Jim McDermott (D) vs. Steve Beren (R) vs. Linnea S. Noreen (I)
Race slogan: "Proof a threesome can be boring!"

Jin and Steve are basically party cut-outs. Jim loses points for shooting his mouth off in Iraq a while back and Steve loses points for being a rube. If Dino, Rob and Slade "Status Quo" Gordon are your big backers, then the voter can expect a whole lot of the same from Steve. Yes I agree lowering taxes, energy independence, security and supporting our troops are important. But I don't think you, Steve, are going to make those things any more real than Jim is suddenly going to pull a fair, affordable health care and education system our of his hat. Linnea? I like this bit in her statement, "Think back to 1989 and what has not improved." Hmm... traffic and the weather. And I'm not sure how much power a representative has over either (transportation being a sorry mess of federal, state, county and city jurisdictions). At worse she'd be incompetent, which isn't much of a change, since Jimmy McD hasn't actually accomploshed anything. Lame joke to tie it back in to sports: Er...

District 8: Darcy Burner (D) vs. Dave Reichart (R)
Race slogan: "Since when is Bellevue such a big deal?"

If you're belligerently partisan you've got your mind made up already. Both candidates stated goals seem to be take down the opposite party. Darcy seems to talk more about how much President Bush sucks than what she's going to bring to the table, while Dave is the incumbent in a district that's never voted Democrat. Whichever candidate raises the most hate (almost the same as money) will win most likely. If I could vote in this district, I'd mail a rabid squirrel to each party HQ, then write in "Just shoot me please!" on my ballot. This is depressing. Just like when I imagine Seattle sports without the Seahawks right now. Or is it when I think of the Seahawks? I forget.

Bottom line :: State representatives are boring and don't "accomplish" anything unless in large packs. What if Edgar ran for congress? Celebrity is the same thing as leadership and service, right? I'd pay attention for a little bit anyway.

Beyond the bottom line :: Until there are candidates that aren't:
a) crazy
b) clones of each other
c) committed to their party line more than reasonable thought
I'm just not going to care very much.
So you've got a week to decide that the whole thing's too much trouble and nothing's going to change if you don't vote so nothing will. I'll vote for the first person I see putting the "servant" back into public servant. SERVE ME!
BWA-HA-HA-Ha-ha... I need a job.

posted by nach @ 7:57 AM  5 comments


At 4:13 PM, Anonymous Timothy, McGavick Campaign said...

Mike tells me his son has all his old Seahawks stuff with him at college, but wanted me to pass on to you that he was at the game where Bo Jackson ran over Brian Bosworth, has "seen more Largent circus catches than [he] can remember," and that Largent is, in fact, supporting him. Is that close enough, or are you still planning on writing in Chuck Knox?

At 7:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is the war in Iraq not much of an election issue? There are patterns forming on which parties like to go to war more - they both like it, but one definitely a lot more.

If you're so worried about our debt, I would think you wouldn't be excited about $250 million a day for this lame-o war.

Just a thought. I did like your commentary for the most part though - and I agree there was no good candidate for senator.

At 6:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't help but smirk that your semi serious political rant got some peoples attention. Jeez dude, this is a SPORTS BLOG! Oh, and doesn't McGavick kind of sound like a girl? I have a hard time recognizing if the speaker on the radio is a male or female. And I'm pretty sure Cantwell's add that shows her in Eastern Washington is the first trip she took over the mountains in oh, about 6 years.


At 8:43 AM, Blogger nach said...

Yeah, McGavick's voice makes me laugh. It shouldn’t, because that's unfair and childish... but it still makes me laugh.

RE: War not an election issue?
I don't think it's much of an election issue because most candidates have an ideological "stand" on the war instead of an actual plan. "Stay the course" and "Come home" aren't good enough answers for me because neither of them deal with the mess.

RE: National Debt
The spending on the war bothers me (one area where this administration is NOT conservative), but the national debt is the legacy of decades of policy from both parties. It's a problem of how politicians think and the system that’s evolved around them. Career politicians have ruined government.

RE: Cantwell's Eastside image
Patty Murray is in better with Eastern Washingtonians for sure. But let's face it. As long as you've got King, Snohomish and or Pierce county on your side, screw Eastern Washington.

Jack Ryan for president! Edgar can be his VP. You remember those ads wehre he says something like, "I have a little project"? Dub that over a picture of a waving American flag and BAM. You're in.

At 10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

War is 'the issue' in my world. But you're right, nobody really has a solution.

Unfortunetely, a real solution, other than staying there for 15 years like Dubya wants to, is to withdraw, while at the same time spend about $100 Billion working with an international force to create New Deal type policies over there. This would put people to work and go a long way to repair the broken relationships (and hopefully change the minds of some of those extremists kids that will eventually become terrorists).

It's like that scene in Billy Madison when he calls Steve Buchemi's character to apologize. If we sincerely try to make things right (don't put military bases there just yet), then there's a chance to recover the mess we created.

No Dem would really propose this policy because it's totally outside the scope of discussion. It would cost so much money and we don't get to reap the benefits of controlling the resources.

I do like the idea of a little politics on a sports blog, just because actual political blogs are totally crazy. There's no use discussing there.

I want Mike the Mover!!! A boxing match with Ted Stevens in Key Arena could probably save the Sonics.

-'not a Dem or a Rep'


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