Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

The Scientific Method: Week 6

My laptop has been malfunctioning for the last couple of months, due to some chip inside not reading that I have plugged it into the wall, and only draining the battery. That has sucked, because the only other computer I own was built in 1999 and has about 7,493 viruses cohabitating inside its mainframe.

Thus, I finally called HP the other day to inqure about getting my laptop fixed. I was greeted by a nice gentleman named, "Mike". I put the name in quotation marks because if his name was Mike, MY name was Lu Chow Sun. "Mike", for some strange reason, sounded EXACTLY like a guy from India, with a raging accent to boot, meaning that I couldn't understand a large portion of the words coming out of his mouth. It took me about fifteen minutes to convince him that the problem was inside the laptop and not due to the battery or AC adaptor (I knew this since I have two of both and everything doesn't work with the laptop), and I was put on hold to speak with shipping about sending my laptop to them to be fixed. Ah yes. This was also after he was programmed to ask me several questions about my personal life while the computer futzed around.

"Ah..... you work?"


"Work. You do work?"

"Um, kind of. I'm a graduate student. In America."


"You studies, they going well?"


"Are you having some good studies?"

"Sure. Can we talk about my computer?"

"That will be $398.42."

So, after being on hold for a half-hour, I hung up, only to get called back by "Bob", who ALSO surprisingly sounded like he lived half a world away. I won't go into that conversation, but, end of story, I either agreed to have them fix my computer or marry my first-born son to the daughter of the night-shift supervisor. We'll find out in due time.

As for football, the Scientific Method once again rocked said kasbah last week with a sparkling 12-2 mark, only marred by the Cardinals finding the 1 in 19 chance of losing that game after leading 14-0 at home to a team led by Damon Huard, and Brett Favre handing the Rams their SECOND luck win of the season. BUT THEIR DEFENSE IS AWESOME!!!!

More on that during the picks:

Buffalo at Detroit

Well, now, here's a FUN game to begin the journey into Week 6. McGahee! Losman! Kitna! Jones! Naked Guy! Ivy Leaguer! It's the NFL, baby! I shudder to think about how many yards McGahee might get against that atrocious Detroit defense. I also shudder to think about how close the Lions have been to winning games the last couple of weeks (one week against St. Louis, tards). Basically, a lot of shuddering. How do you pick that which has no talent? On other side? I know how. Through science. To the observatory!!!
Scientific Pick: Buffalo

Carolina at Baltimore
Thank you, Steve McNair, for futzing up a winnable game on Monday night in Denver. You played terribly, which FINALLY exposed that offense as NOT REALLY THAT GOOD. Carolina has played just well enough to win the last three weeks, barely eking a home game past Cleveland. Oof. Again, not a fun game to pick, since both defenses should handle either offense pretty handily. I guess it'll come down to turnovers, which, surprisingly, leads me to pick.....
Scientific Pick: Baltimore

Cincinnati at Tampa Bay

Tampa Bay actually looked decent last week, as Cadillac Williams showed up and Bruce Gradkowski, while not awesome, didn't suck. This, however, is Cincy, fresh off a humiliating loss to the Patriots and a bye week to stew. Will they allow Williams 150 yards on the ground? Sure, that running defense is pitiful. Will Carson Palmer and that offense be stopped for another week? All signs point to absolutely not, you idiot.
Scientific Pick: Cincinnati

Houston at Dallas
Houston's passing defense reminds me of UW's passing defense the last couple of years. 3rd and 2. 3rd and 12. 3rd and 22. It didn't matter. Some safety or cornerback would get burned for the big gain down the field. Houston's pass rush has also been nonexistent, which is really the one sure way to stop Drew Bledsoe. If he has time to throw, which he should, he can pick apart a secondary, especially with the weapons at his disposal. Time for the Tony Romo rumours to get put on hold. Until NEXT Sunday.
Scientific Pick: Dallas

NY Giants at Atlanta

Ah, yes. Atlanta. Good ol' 3-1 Atlanta. With an option running game that, by now, opposing teams have seen for four weeks. What is the HUGE weakness of the Giants? Why, that would be the secondary, which is putrid. What is the HUGE weakness of the Falcons? Why, that would be the passing game, which is putrid. Hmmmm. Well, if the Giants weakness is nullified, leaving them to do everything they are actually good at, that bodes well for the Falcons to learn the meaning of overhyped once again.
Scientific Pick: NY Giants

Philadelphia at New Orleans

Look. Katrina was a tragedy, and it is a heartwarming story to see the New Orleans Saints give some joy to the entire community. But, honestly, people, enough is enough. They have beaten the Browns, the Packers, the Falcons (in their first home game), and the Tampa Bay Bucs, who were starting a newbie quarterback. That's about as unimposing a schedule as the St. Louis Rams. Philly, on the other hand, just beat the Cowboys and appears poised to assume control of the NFC East. Only one of these two teams, basically, is a top-tier team in the NFC.
Scientific Pick: Philly

Seattle at St. Louis
As Gavin wrote yesterday, I've been preparing all week to pick against the Seahawks. We seem to play horribly in St. Louis, even winning on a gift fumble last year by Shaun McDonald. However, I also want to spit in the eye of Bill Simmons, Vic Carucci, etc., who all believe that the Rams are awesome, with a hugely improved rushing game and overall defense. That's ridiculous. They have beaten, and I quote, the Broncos (who have played ONE good game this year), the Packers, the Lions, and the Cardinals. It took gift fumbles in TWO of those games to win, and they allowd the LIONS to score oodles of points. COME ON, PEOPLE!!! Yes, there is a chance we lose this game. But I refuse to include myself in the above category of individuals who believe that the Rams are for real.
Scientific Pick: Seattle

Tennessee at Washington

Buh. Another crappy game in what really is a crappy week in the NFL. Basically, any game containing the Texans, Titans, or Lions should be decided by a Madden 2007 game played by both head coaches. That, at the very least, would have some more excitement attached to it. Oh no! Clinton Portis is virtually injured! Oh no! Vince Young has an overall rating of 81, not good enough to more the football against a Washington defense with a rating of 94! I'd watch. This game? Not so much.
Scientific Pick: Washington

Kansas City at Pittsburgh

There is much joy in my heart over the Steelers' 1-3 start. Much joy. That was the one game I was looking forward to last week, thanks to the Hawks bye, and I was not disappointed. HOWEVER. I am surely not going to pick against them when they are going up against a hurt Larry Johnson and Damon Huard. I don't like them, but I'm not stupid.
Scientific Pick: Pittsburgh

Miami at NY Jets

Double buh. Include this game as another Madden possibility. The only intriguing storyline here is if Joey Harrington can actually become a certified NFL quarterback. As for the Jets? They actually got exposed against the Jaguars, letting some of the fat loose from Eric Mangini's oversized noggin.
Scientific Pick: Miami

San Diego at San Francisco

Seriously. Why do all these games suck? This is pathetic.
Scientific Pick: San Francisco

Oakland at Denver

Well, well, well. Oakland in yet another prime-time game. Good job, masters of scheduling. You were on the ball this time. Everyone wants to see Andrew Walters attempt to move the football against Champ Bailey. Everyone wants to see Art Shell "coach" on the sideline. Everyone wants to hear another three hours of, "Jake Plummer just doesn't look right" comments.
Scientific Pick: Denver

Chicago at Arizona
If the Cards can't run the ball against St. Louis, do you really think they will run the ball against Chicago? If the Cards can't stop Damon Huard, do you really think they will stop Rex Grossman? If Joey Sunshine can't shut up for any amount of time whatsoever, is it legal for Tony Kornheiser to actually gag him and stuff him in a locker for the remainder of the season?
Scientific Pick: Chicago

posted by colin_hesse @ 10:30 AM  1 comments


At 6:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you serious? SF over San Diego? That must be a typo.



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