Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Scientific Method, Week 5

Don't worry people. I won't tell anyone they suck donkey balls this week. Unless it's Nathan. Again.

Actually, first I wish to discuss why anyone would actually call those telephone flirt call lines. You know, the ones that continually advertise during Adult Swim and late hour South Park reruns (aside: excellent season premiere by Matt and Troy. uber-cool, guys, and this praise comes from an absolute noob in the World of Warcraft.)? I mean, first, you have to be extremely lonely. That's obvious. Or 12. Second, you have to be under some kind of false impression that the person texting you is, at the very least, semi-attractive. And a woman. Both of those could very well be false. Third, you have to enjoy texting, which, I admit, I've never found the love for. Something about typing messages with my phone pad instead of just taking the two seconds to tell the person. Fourth, you must imagine that this "flirting" could result in an actual relationship, with real displays of affection and everything. Here's some advice. You will find better success at a Star Trek convention, my friends.

I also want to mention that, after reaching the championship round in fantasy baseball, the US Women's Curling Team was destroyed, thanks to key injuries to Liriano, Pedro, Kazmir, and the rest of my pitching staff, leaving me with depending on Scott Olsen, Estaban Loiaza, and Josh Beckett. Ah well. Better luck next year. Speaking of next year, see you then, Dodgers, Padres, and Twins. Are the Tigers really the ONLY team that could tie the series at a game apiece? What happened to the hottest teams out there in the Dodgers and Twins? I mean, sure, the Padres suck, and no one expected them to beat the hapless Cards, who will, in turn, lose to the Mets or the Dodgers, but seriously, people, I sure thought the Twins would have a little more spark to them. They're lost the improved offense that actually carried them to these playoffs.

And..... that's all I can bring myself to write about the baseball postseason so far.

Week 4 was the first down week for the SM, so I expect a rebound week..... to 10 right instead of 9. Bring it on, NFL!!

Buffalo at Chicago
I mean, I guess I could pick against Chicago this week based purely on spite, but I see no way to actually rationalize a Buffalo pick here. Anyone really believe that JP Losman will waltz into Chi-town and pick apart the Chicago defense? Can Willis McGahee pick up the tough yards? Is that Buffalo defense up to the task of stopping Rex Grossman?
Scientific Pick: Chicago

Cleveland at Carolina
This is a very similar type of pick. Again, I WANT Carolina to lose. I would PREFER it to happen. But how? Charlie Frye throwing to a healthy Joe Jurevicius? Steve Smith breaking both legs and also breaking Jake Delhomme in half? There definitely seems to be a more skewed talent distribution in the NFL this year. Some real haves/have nots in a way that the salary cap was supposed to control for.
Scientific Pick: Carolina

Detroit at Minnesota
Minnesota followed up a valiant effort against the Bears with a huge loss on the road against Buffalo, a game they desperately needed to try and gain traction in the NFC playoff race. Meanwhile, Detroit's offense finally showed up against the Rams, scoring at will in the second half. Unfortunately, that Detroit defense still hasn't shown up since Week 1, letting basically every team imaginable score 40 points on it.
Scientific Pick: Minnesota

Miami at New England
Words cannot express how disappointing a team Miami is right now. Nick Saban was, I remember, supposed to be a genuis. How's that working out so far, Nick? That halfback toss your idea? The Dolphins haven't been outstanding against the run, while New England has transformed into a rushing machine, with pick-your-spot passing by Brady (except against Denver, where they were destroyed, not a coincidence). If Belichick can confuse Carson Palmer, you can be darn sure he can confuse the eminently confusable Daunte Culpepper, who should really stick to playing Madden 2007 with Chad Johnson until he gets his talent back.
Scientific Pick: New England

St. Louis at Green Bay
St. Louis is now 3-1, winning against Denver, Arizona (thanks to Kurt Warner fumbling), and Detroit. The defense is getting worse and the offense is getting better. Green Bay has already lost two games at home, and is coming off another stinker on national television. However, even when the Rams were good, they had the habit of blowing 1-2 easy games on the road, like against Miami two years ago. This has all the makings of a trap game, where Brett Favre will be lauded once again for how awesome he is. Oh, and one Isaiah Kacyvenski is now actually playing LINEBACKER for the Rams. HA!
Scientific Pick: Green Bay

Tampa Bay at New Orleans
An old scientific method standby is to never pick a rookie quarterback making his first start, especially on the road, and especially when they are surrounded by little to no talent whatsoever. New Orleans has impressed me so far. I don't think they are elite, but they sure don't suck, and that's more then you can say so far for the Bucs, even with Chris Simms. Chucky goes home disappointed once again.
Scientific Pick: New Orleans

Tennessee at Indianapolis
What do you expect me to write here? Tennessee winning behind the brilliant passing of Uncle Rico? Peyton Manning allowing the vaunted Titans defense to bait him into several key interceptions?
Scientific Pick: Indy

Washington at NY Giants
The Giants have been now officially declared down and out by various pundits, including myself, of the playoff hunt. The team seems to be in a tad disarray, while Washington is rising to the forefront of the NFC East. However, that Redskins passing defense has been atrocious, while you know that the Giants will pour everything they got into this game. Lose this one, and the season really might be over.
Scientific Pick: NY Giants

Kansas City at Arizona
Remember that rule I JUST stated about three paragraphs ago? About never going with a quarterback making his first start, surrounded by less than stellar talent? Sure would seem to hold true here as well, with Matt Leinart, the savior of Phoenix, finally granted the offensive reins to the Cardinals. Here's the thing, though. Damon Huard? Being awesome two weeks in a row? Second, if any defense will allow Edge to do some damage on the ground, it's the Kansas City Chiefs. Really shouldn't do this, but....
Scientific Pick: Arizona

NY Jets at Jacksonville
Sure, yeah, so the Jets are now super awesome and everyone is fawning over Mangini and his magic. Except that they are, what 1-3? They're still losing these games, people, and the Jaguars will be tough to stop coming off two huge losses on the road.
Scientific Pick: Jacksonville

Oakland at San Francisco
Buh. Why do these games always end up near the bottom of the post? I'm already tired, since I'm nearing the end, and I'm running out of awesome stuff to say. I'm not funny anymore, and people are skimming. Should I say that a friend will not say never, cause the welcome will not end? Though it's hard to let you go, to the Father's hands we know, that a lifetimes not too long to live as friends? Should I say that? Should I say that affection exchange theory (AET) is a nomothetic-deductive theory whose principal purpose is to explain why human beings communicate affection to each other, and with what consequences (Floyd, Judd, & Hesse, 2006)? Hmmm?
Scientific Pick: San Francisco

Dallas at Philadelphia
See, the thing with this game is, that there really aren't any interesting storylines attached to this one. So Drew Bledsoe might need another good start of he might get benched? Um.... McNabb is having an MVP season? How about the ongoing injury problems of Brian Westbrook? See? I can't think of anything. Wait...... something's coming to me........ something........ important..........

Can't. Quite. Remember.

Need. To. Watch. More. ESPN.

Espeically. Rachel. Nichols. Wow. Does. She. Have. An. Intense. Dye. Job. With. Her. Hair.

I. Mean. Seriously. No. One. Else. Has. Noticed. This?

They. Should. Replace. Her. With. The. 2006. US. Women's. Curling. Team.

What was I talking about? Remembering....... something...........

Sh*t. More about him?
Scientific Pick: Philly

Pittsburgh at San Diego
At least we now know why John and Al have changed to putting player's faces on a skyscraper. Lord knows NBC has already hired the face to put on the horse trailer. And no, I'm not talking about Jerome Bettis. Though....... no. No.
Scientific Pick: San Diego

Baltimore at Denver
A 5-0 Baltimore team would cause me to believe that truth and justice were just figments of my imagination.
Scientific Pick: Denver

posted by colin_hesse @ 12:30 AM  0 comments


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