Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Scientific Method: Week Three

Ah yes. The beginning of the bye week section of the NFL schedule. Means I can only screw up on fourteen games instead of sixteen. Glory be.

By the way, apparently the Hawks have earned the everlasting disdain of Bill Simmons to the point where he's joking about creating a voodoo dool to jinx Shaun Alexander, pretty much because Pats fans can't have it both ways:

-- The Hawks massively overpayed for Deion Branch
-- The Hawks screwed the Pats by trading for Deion Branch

When you have fans THAT conflicted about what your team did, you probably did the correct move. Sorta like Minnesota signing Hutch for beaucoup dollars (yes, I know Gavin disagrees with this, but I consider it a quality move).

Basically, I guess I'll begin to create my own voodoo doll of Tom Brady. Or maybe one of Laurence Maroney, since within the span of two games he has been given the seat at the right hand of God our Father. Yes! The running game worked against the Bills and the Jets! Mercy!

By the way, no way Daunte Culpepper marks the worst fantasy killer of all time. Here's a couple for you from the last two years:

-- Clinton Portis, two years ago: Just learning Gibbs' offense, could do nothing right
-- Jamal Lewis, last year: It hurt to watch the fantasy team in our league who was relying on that guy.
-- T.O., last year: Do I need to spell this out? Same with McNabb last year.
-- Corey Dillon, last year: People forget, this guy was getting drafted in round 1 last year.
-- Kevin Jones: Also a 1st-2nd round selection last year. He was TERRIBLE.

But, of course, it's really only about Bill, so I can't begrudge him feeling that HIS team is the one who gets screwed the WORST, and not because he was stupidly picking Chris Chambers IN THE THIRD ROUND!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU THINKING!!! DO YOU HAVE, LIKE, A 20 TEAM LEAGUE OR SOMETHING?? THAT IS YOUR EXPERT PICK?? CHRIS CHAMBERS??

Next week, my promise: No Bill Simmons rant. Unless he says something stupid.

By the way, Science has been rocking it so far, which means that you should flee from these picks. FLEE!

Carolina at Tampa Bay
And so it begins.... a string of tough games to pick. This is quite a week on the NFL schedule. Normally a game like the Giants visiting Seattle would be, by far, top dawg, but I really think that this game, Chicago/Minny, Cincy/Pitt, and even Jacksonville/Indy are more interesting games. I really do. As for this one, Steve Smith will probably be back and ready to deal out some pain. The Panthers defense played well last week. Nothing about Tampa Bay has been playing well.
Scientific Pick: Carolina

Chicago at Minnesota
Rex Grossman actually threw four touchdown passes in a game. Wowsers. I'll take, "Things I Never Expected to See in my Lifetime" for $500, Alex. As for Minnesota, they got massively bailed out of the game against Carolina, needing a completely awful special teams call and a fake field goal to carry the day.Now many people are predicting them to beat Chicago? Doubtful.
Scientific Pick: Chicago

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
Every bone in my body screams that Pitt is the smart play here. They are coming off an embarrassing loss on Monday night, the defense will be jazzed to play against Cincy, who beat them to a tar last year in Pittsburgh, and Big Ben will be healthier and ready to go (down from his 104 degree temperature that was a crock and a half). HOWEVER, no team will be as ready to destroy the Steelers as Cincinnati. No team.
Scientific Pick: Cincinnati

Green Bay at Detroit

Ugh. Do I have to pick this game? Brett Favre has a so-so game against a bunch of stiffs in the New Orleans secondary and people are suddenly declaring him back, with the offense deemed ready to roll. Detroit, on the other hand, played very well at home against us before laying an egg last week in Chicago. You have to believe that Rod Marinelli kicked some proverbial butts, and I hate picking Mike McCarthy to win anything (does he just LOOK like the most incompetent football coach of all time?). So I won't.
Scientific Pick: Detroit

Jacksonville at Indianapolis
Listen. I like Jacksonville. I really do. I have their defense on my fantasy team, and they have helped me rise to a 2-0 beginning to the season (same with Gavin, unfortunately). However, when you play Indy, you can't stop the offense, you have to contain them AND score some points. Like, more than 9. Jack Del Rio just seems too conservative to make the call that would propel them to victory, like Brad Childress did last week. I'm taking Peyton and the boys to defend their title. Big time.
Scientific Pick: Indy

NY Jets at Buffalo
Only in the AFC East could BOTH these teams receive a ton of love for playing as poorly as they have for two weeks, both losing to the Patriots along the way. JP Losman, in particular, threw for under 100 yards and was acclaimed as coming into his own. No, he's not. The whole team is not. They are 1-1, and will be 1-2 after Sunday. That's right, I'm picking....
Scientific Pick: NY Jets

Tennessee at Miami
The bandwagon in Miami is officially empty. Only brambles and spiderwebs now hang where, before, millions of people stood, holding hands and swaying together as they poured out their love on the Dolphins. Now...... silence. There's a hole in the pit of my stomach as I just think of the poor Dolphins, with their poor, poor quarterback, their even worse offensive line, and a coach who just can't get any breaks from the officials. Aaaaaaaah.
Scientific Pick: Miami

Washington at Houston

Why is Washington now dead? Did Joe Gibbs suddenly disappear? Why has everyone written this team off as well? Yes, I know they have looked bad so far, but it's the beginning of the season. They have too much talent, especially on defense, to be looking this bad.
Scientific Pick: Washington

Baltimore at Cleveland
Unfortunately, the Ravens play the Browns this week, which means that they will win and we will hear more about how they are the best team in the league, which, again is pathetic. Michael Irvin actually had them ranked #1 in his stupid power polls. #1! Over Indy, Cincy, Pitt? What? But, yes, the Browns suck.
Scientific Pick: Baltimore

NY Giants at Seattle
I had chalked this game up as a loss as I went through our schedule before the season started. Now.... I don't know. This business about the noise level will only make the noise louder, Eli has looked lost until the 4th quarter, the offensive line for the Giants was horrible last week, and their secondary was even worse! On the other hand, the Hawks haven't looked overly impressive after two weeks....
Scientific Pick: Seattle

Philadelphia at San Francisco
I'm not a big fan of holdover effects, and I don't buy it here. McNabb knows what to do after a loss, and I expect the Eagles to roll here.
Scientific Pick: Philly

St. Louis at Arizona

How's the St. Louis bandwagon, Billy? Holding strong? First class still full?
Scientific Pick: Arizona

Denver at New England
Here's another interesting game for me. Jake Plummer IS an effective quarterback in the NFL, though I wouldn't want him on my team. He is surrounded by offensive talent like Rod Smith, Mike Bell, and Javon Walker, with a defense that HAS performed moderately well after two weeks. New England, on the other hand, has struggled at times against two mediocre teams. Plus, I now hate New England.

Update: Petey King, while picking New England in this game, tells all fantasy owners to pick up Doug Gabriel because he feels that Gabriel and Brady are about to become quite an item. That just might be the most insanely stupid bit of fantasy advice I have heard this year so far. C'mon, not even going with the talented rook Chad Jackson like Simmons? Doug Gabriel?

Scientific Pick: Denver

Atlanta at New Orleans
This pick will probably end up being wrong, but Atlanta is in for the emotional game of the century. The first game, sold out, in the Superdome since Hurricane Katrina? Good night. I would be picking the Saints against ANYONE else.
Scientific Pick: New Orleans

posted by colin_hesse @ 11:02 AM  3 comments


At 8:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The most insanely stupid bit of fantasy advice I have heard this year"? Fantasy advice? Nerd!


At 2:34 PM, Blogger Tash said...

Why do you hate NE?

I'll be laughing as we destroy Denver. The real question is wheather their first round pick will get to play in the 3d qt or the 4th...

New England 38 to 13

At 11:03 PM, Blogger colin_hesse said...

I don't really hate the team, Tash. For the most part, though, Boston fans tick me off, whether they root for the Red Sox or the Pats.

You're neat, though. I don't wish any particular ill will on you, per se. :)


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