Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Never Try to Make Your Wife Happy

I tried it, and ended up going jogging at 5:30 in the morning. I tried to find Jesus then, but to no avail. He was asleep. Same with Shiva, the bastard. My jog was probably slower than my walk, I really needed to pee, and I was struck with the fact that my wife is WAY more in shape than I am. And I'm ok with that. I've (shock) turned into my father!

A belated Happy Birthday to the Crushed Mom, who turned asdfijsadlifd yesterday, and celebrated by staying home alone all evening because the Crushed Dad was in a show. Go Dad! Now there's a man who won't go jogging at 5:30 in the morning. Teach me, and mold me......

Gavin, by the way, is stuck on a safari through the heart of Africa. He wanted me to tell all of you that he was really sorry, that he had discovered that he only has one testicle, and that he's developed some sort of fever from prolonged exposure to monkeys and Nathan Acheson (who, whenever HE gets around to it, will also help out with a couple of posts around here instead of just playing with his wood all day). He should be back on Monday, JUST in time to go on a business trip to Minnesota or wherever he goes these days. Montreal? French Polynesia? Your mom's house?

A small note on the fact that the Hawks were about to throw bushels of money at Deion Branch. Um, guys, don't we already have three good receivers, with a quality fourth and fifth in Warrick and Hackett? Wait till the offseason and sign him, but we really don't need him. It also pisses me off that we'd throw tons of money his way but we couldn't throw more money at Hutch or at Ty Law, both of whom would look pretty doggone good in a Seattle uniform right about now.

Next week, by the way, is all Seahawks, all the time. Not because I want to, or because anyone will read it. It's just that it makes me warm inside to write about the Hawks. Like a nice buzz you get from that really special pain medication.

I was commanded for today, however, to write about our Possible Championship Teams (except for Seattle, of course). These are teams that we actually think might qualify for the Big Game. We have picked three teams from each conference, though we realize that Pitt could very easily have made it into this category if we didn't hate the Steelers because we're sore losers and it doesn't make me happy to write about them.

New England (a subsidiary of God-Co):
Want to make someone mad, like Tash? Tell them that Belichick is a bum, overrated, and only a mid-level coach. Only you can't really get it out because it's completely not true and you realize that ol' Bill is one of the finest minds ever to man an NFL headset, and a reason, in and of himself (and Tom Brady) that the Pats are a contender once again. Brady turned in perhaps his finest season last year, Maroney looks great, the WR's will come together like usual, and Rodney Harrison is back to lower the boom on defense. Yes, it would be a mini-upset if they win it all, due to the injuries, the age, and the loss of such players like McGinest, but this team is clearly still the cream of the crop in the AFC East, no matter what CNNSI claims (having Miami get to the Super Bowl. Ummm, no.). I bow down to your greatness, New England.

Washington:
Well, there had to be a third team from the NFC, right? Why not the Skins, who boast the most complete coaching staff in Gibbs, Saunders, and Williams. Clinton Portis looked great last season (yes, I know he's injured, but that's not for the entire season, bonehead), I love Chris Cooley (might pick him up with a late-round fantasy selection on Sunday), Mark Brunell might have another good season left in him, and the defense will continue to dominate. I'm not that impressed by their free-agent pickups, including Randle-El, who was more the product of excellent coaching and scheming then being truly a gamebreaker (Ken Whisehunt will make some NFL franchise, possibly Pittsburgh, very happy). Basically, I see this team as the Bears, but with more potential on offense and MUCH better coaching. You can be darn sure that Gibbs wouldn't have pulled that single-coverage on Steve Smith crap that doomed the Bears last postseason (one of the single worst coaching displays I have ever seen). Honestly? I feel they were the second best team in the NFC last year.

Denver:
Before I discuss them, can I just say that Jay Cutler's 50 yard strike off his back leg against the Cards last night turned me into a true believer in his capability to become a nice QB in this league. Jake Plummer's days are numbered. In the meantime, Denver still has an excellent running game (now with Mike Bell playing the part of the newcomer who explodes onto the scene), and their passing game should be improved with the addition of Javon Walker, who has something to prove to the rest of the league. The defense can still be dominant at times, Mike Shanahan is another genuis, and they have the best home-field advantage in the league because of the high altitude. Evne the AFC West is weaker this season, which should help them in their fight to secure a home-field postseason game or two.

Carolina:
This is what I don't get with all the Carolina uber-hype. Their quarterback is Jake Delhomme. The Hawks have Matt Hasselbeck. Their top running back is DeShaun Foster. The Hawks have Shaun Alexander. Their top wide-receiver is Steve Smith, followed by Keyshawn Johnson and a bunch of stiffs. Our top wide-receiver is D-Jack, followed by Burleson, Engram, Warrick, and Hackett, each of whom could catch a big ball (not even counting Stevens here). Our offensive line is better even without Hutch. Our linebacking corps is better. Our run defense is better. The only area that they have us beat (by a wide margin) is in pass defense. THAT IS IT!!! Again, just looking at the teams as they begin the season, since a lot can change, but what the john, people? Tell me why this team is consistently given more love than the Hawks? Are the writers scared about Panthers players going all roid-rage on them?

Indy:
There's this guy named Peyton Manning who is a pretty good quarterback. You might have heard of him. Thus, they are a contender. An actually solid defense doesn't hurt matters, thought it remains to be seen where the rushing yards will come from.

Seattle:
Town full of liberal hippie pansies. Always raining. They all think they are God's gift to shit. More as it develops.

Our actual predictions will come next week, though you shouldn't be too shocked if, somehow, one of us ends up picking the Hawks to go to Miami, causing Gavin and I to spend bushels of money to actually attend said game.

One week to go! I can't wait!

posted by colin_hesse @ 2:17 PM  1 comments

1 Comments:

At 9:57 AM, Blogger Hillary said...

Need I remind you...

"A happy wife equals a happy life."
Unknown

and

"Researchers found men and women in unhappy marriages suffered from increased stress levels throughout the day at home and at work as well as higher blood pressure
at midday at the office, which could raise the risk of heart attack or stroke."
- Barnett, R. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 2005; vol 30: pp36-43. News release, Brandeis University

I'd deal with the early morning runs if I were you. Just some friendly advice from a blog visitor.

 

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