Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Crushed Stance on the All-Star Break

In three words...... it sucks donkey-balls (counts as only one word because of the hyphen)

Here's the thing. Sure, you can take the only sport away from me for four days.

That's kewl.

But give me something to write home about, right? I'm not going to write epic poems about how Ryan Howard won something called a Home-Run Derby (though if he had actually hit John Kruk, maybe I would have). Actually, for the little I watched of that shenanigan, while Harold Reynolds and John Kruk lied about five billion times about who they picked to win, thinking that every time it would be funny (hint: nope), the more entertaining aspect was to guess what ridiculous point was going to come out of one of their mouths. Would John Kruk comment as to why Kenny Rogers was the accurate choice to start because he was a "winner"? Yep. Would they allow A.J. Pier-whatever to come onto the set with his baby daughter dressed in the same way one might dress their small dog on Christmas, complete with a gigantic freaking bow on the top of her head? Yep. Would someone comment about how much Joe Morgan knew because he was a former All-Star? Yep. Would Chris Berman exist? Yep. And so on, and so forth.

The actual All-Star game itself was even less interesting, though I enjoyed watched Phil Garner's "pep talk" before the game. Why, I hadn't heard anything quite that intense since..... well, maybe youth soccer.

"We're going to play hard. People talk about the American League being better, but they're not. You guys are awesome. Do your thing. I'm not going to give you any signs, because I don't actually feel like managing, and, heck, it's not like Houston is going back to the World Series anyways." - delivered in montone dialogue not unlike Keanu Reeves.

Thus, I didn't watch any of the game after the second inning, though I was surprised to wake up the next morning and find that writers were actually blasting Garner over a move he should have made.... IN AN ALL-STAR GAME!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? You blame Phil Garner because Trevor Hoffman blew a save? Interesting.

Then, yesterday, I had my choice of watching a 23 year old knuckleballer pitch in the minor league All-Star game or feast my eyes on the WNBA All-Star game. Choice? DVD episodes of Lost: Season 1, which are completely hooking my wife and myself.

And don't.... DON'T even THINK that I watched any of the ESPY's.

In Mariner news, Adam Jones is up, causing simultaneous weeping and cheering for M's fan's. In this one uneducated fan's opinion, whoo-hoo! An actual reason to watch the M's in the second half of the season! And for those fools who talk about how we are in a pennant race..... the goal isn't to win a pennant..... the goal is to win a World Series, and this is a move that helps us do that. And no, I have absolutely no data whatsoever to back that up, and neither do I have other data to prove that, if you disagree with me, you are an idiot, but, God help me, I'll make up my own statistics. Just you watch.

KC Joyner, in other news, finds that, shocker, Matt Hasselbeck was remarkably accurate last season (sorry, Insider link).

John Clayton is reduced to coming up with a fantasy football team that fits under the cap, and then is subject to actual criticism by Jeremy Green, who still somehow has a job where he can boost his father in basically every article.

Don Banks believes that the Minnesota Vikings are a team on the rise with THE BRAD JOHNSON at quarterback, THE CHESTER TAYLOR at running back, and THE KOREN ROBINSON (recently back, at the very least, NEAR a rehab place) at wide receiver. The Minnesota Vikings! Awesome!

Basically, I'm hurting for actual stuff to write about, and Gavin is at a stupid wedding in New York (no offense, Nate, you're just a stupid person).

posted by colin_hesse @ 10:09 AM  0 comments

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