Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

NFL Mock(ed) Draft: Petey Prisco

I've already looked through this and I can GUARANTEE that I will mock heavily a few picks this time out. First up, I concur with Colin. Massive props to Tim Ruskell for landing us that backup free safety on the cheap. We didn't overpay to keep Manuel... in fact a major hubris of many championship caliber teams is not overpaying to keep replaceable players around. Now we give away a sixth round pick who wasn't going to make the team in order to get this need filled in time for the draft. Not bad at all. Also, apparently Lord Favre is coming back next year. Yippee. Apparently all that "the team needs to be more competitive" talk was just that... talk. The Packers did something that rhymes with "gyro" and still Favre is returning, which tells me he was coming back all along. I've seriously lost a lost of respect for the man.

Anyways, the purpose of this is ripping on Petey, so on to the fun!

1. Houston
Reggie Bush, RB


All fun aside, this should be the first pick in the draft. Any idiots who say that since his parents got some free rooms he should drop are sick in the head. And however sick in the head Prisco is on many items, he is on this one.

2. New Orleans
AJ Hawk, LB


Speaking of "sick in the head", I'm curious exactly what kind of wacky tobacky Prisco is smoking to come up with this pick, but New Orleans gets an automatic "F" from me if this actually happens. Is AJ Hawk a good linebacker? Yes. Is he worth the #2 pick in the draft if Leinart/Young/Ferguson are still on the board? Absolutely not. Remember, Drew Brees' contract has a huge kicker next year... meaning that a heir apparent might be in order. As Prisco puts it, "They need Hawk more than they need the other guys." Riiiiight.

3. Tennessee
Matt Leinart, QB


Leinart back with Norm Chow. Not a bad combination.

4. New York Jets
Mario Williams, DE


Regular readers of these mock-ed drafts will remember my distaste for teams who use their number one pick on the side of the ball where they need the least help. For future reference, we will call this the Gavin Creed. For example, the New York Jets couldn't score worth anything last season. They have a shaky quarterback, an aging running back, an aging offensive line, and little wide receiver depth. Now, I realize they have lost John Abraham, but this doesn't make much sense. Draft Ferguson. Draft Young.

5. Green Bay
Michael Huff, CB


I've been preaching the CB situation myself for Green Bay, so oddly enough I find myself starting to agree with this... until I realize that Green Bay just passed up Ferguson for this. What does the top O line prospect in the draft have to do, Prisco?

6. San Francisco
Vernon Davis, TE


Do I have to go through this again? ERIC JOHNSON. He's good. San Francisco is awful (again, Ferguson is still on the frickin' board here). I don't care what Davis' intangibles are. Prisco's absurd rationalization? "He can do for Alex Smith what Antonio Gates did for Drew Brees in San Diego." What?????? Alex Smith isn't going to have time to think about Davis before yet another defensive end crushes the life force out of him, inflicting +2 damage with his Sword of Spirit. Oh, and Petey? San Diego's offense has and will always be structured around this one guy named LaDainian Tomlinson.

7. Oakland
Vince Young, QB


While I still can quibble about not taking Ferguson here, Young is such a great talent that I find myself agreeing with this. Not to mention Vince feels like a good fit with what Al Davis likes to do in Oakland. The quarterbacks are in place to let Young sit for a year or two (which he needs to get over the simplistic offense he ran at Texas). Still... are the fans going to be patient enough once the real Aaron Brooks actually shows up?

8. Buffalo
D'Brickashaw Ferguson, T


Here's what Prisco has to say... "They Bills can't believe the answer to their left tackle woes is here. Ferguson will be a Pro Bowl player." AND SO WHY IS HE ALL THE WAY TO EIGHT, PETEY??? It's hard to even dignify this with a response. If Ferguson is still here, this is the biggest steal of the past five years.

9. Detroit
Jay Cutler, QB


Somehow I don't think that two months after signing both Jon Kitna AND Josh McCown that the Lions are going to be thinking quarterback. Still, Matt Millen's done some stupid stuff before. Frankly, they should consider some offensive line help.

10. Arizona
Winston Justice, T


I can't believe this. I'm stunned. The only pundit I've found who has asked the Cardinals to do something smart, like draft an offensive lineman. For someone who inconceivably dropped Ferguson, this might be the best pick of this entire mock draft. A kudos to Petey Prisco!

11. St Louis
Brodrick Bunkley, DT


I would love to take the kudos away here, but it is difficult. The Rams still, after all their issues and past drafts, need help at DT in the worst way. It would be a pathetic indictment of their failures, but sometimes you do have to bite the bullet and move forward.

12. Cleveland
Kamerion Wimbley, DE/OLB


Prisco decides to move against the Gavin Creed with this pick. No one really knows if Kellen Winslow is going to be healthy again, and Braylon Edwards sustained a bad injury. Another wide receiver would sure look nice. But sure, add a defensive end for Crennel's defense. It's his strength anyways. So only slight marks against Prisco here.

13. Baltimore
Jonathan Joseph, CB


But large marks against the Gavin Creed on this pick. Yes, Chris McAlister and Samari Rolle are aging, but last time I checked, Baltimore missed the playoffs because they have an aging offensive line that couldn't block for a running back that has lost a ton of steam. There are several terrific backs still on the board. Not addressing the offensive woes will guarantee Baltimore another place on the outside looking in.

14. Philadelphia
Ernie Sims, LB


This is not an awful pick. Philadelphia's defense took a rather large step back last season and was almost as big a culprit for their collapse as the injuries on offense. However, the Eagles need wide receiver help bad, and Chad Jackson is still on the board.

15. Denver
Chad Jackson, WR


If Jackson does in fact fall to Denver, they will take about two seconds before making the pick official. Ashley Lelie is a disappointment. Rod Smith is approaching 80 years old.

16. Miami
Jimmy Williams, CB


Nick Saban takes a kid with some serious character problems here. I'd probably go with one of the other first round corners if Miami wants to go that route. With the age at linebacker, I might consider Greenway as well.

17. Minnesota
Chad Greenway, LB


No one apparently thinks Minnesota needs much offensive help. They got Steve Hutchinson after all. Why would they need anything? This is the downside of a winning streak in the NFL, especially when it comes against bad opponents. People conclude a team is better than it actually is, in this case Minnesota with Brad Johnson. There are far too many potential offensive weapons for a team with Koren friggin' Robinson as its main attraction to pass on.

18. Dallas
Donte Whitner, S


As you are all aware, this is a HUGE Gavin Creed no-no here. Dallas is the epitome of the Gavin Creed. Earth to Cowboys and all pundits... safety is not your issue. Please, for the love of all that's holy, draft offense if you want to be good any time soon.

19. San Diego
Santonio Holmes, WR


Real easy pick right here. San Diego desperately needs another wide receiver so teams quit triple-teaming Antonio gates. Holmes is the next best receiver and well worth this pick.

20. Kansas City
Manny Lawson, DE


I have to be honest. I have no clue who Manny Lawson is. I will say, as I have before, that Kansas City should try to start upgrading their aging offense, even if I understand that the defense still needs work. Basically, I would hate being their general manager.

21. New England
DeAngelo Williams, RB


Absurd Petey Rationalization: "They have to get some sort of running game going again to take the pressure of Tom Brady. Williams has big-play speed." So... a team with Corey Dillon and Kevin Faulk and serious needs in their secondary will take a running back because he's fast? That's nuts. There are way too many good corners in this draft for the Patriots to pass.

22. San Francisco
Tye Hill, CB


San Francisco drafts a CB! The crowd goes wild! Personally, I'm not going to be happy with the 49ers until they get some serious offensive line help, but this is at lesat a start at one hole (of many).

23. Tampa Bay
Eric Winston, T


As I have said many times, draft a good offensive lineman, especially a tackle, and I won't put up much of a fuss.

24. Cincinnati
Antonio Cromartie, CB


Petey follows the Gavin Creed to the letter, eschewing (vocab time!) the pundits who predict an offensive selection. However, it's one thing to think defense, it's another to make an awful pick at defense. Cromartie has proven nothing except that he can run fast. Does that make him a first round pick? Maybe in the NBA. I see Bobby Carpenter's name below. It shouldn't be.

25. New York Giants
Bobby Carpenter, LB


This draft was done before the signing of LaVar Arrington, but even with that the Giants could use the linebacking help. A CB would be a good selection as well.

26. Chicago
Mercedes Lewis, TE


Another good Gavin Creed pick, and this time Prisco hits it on the head. Lewis was the top TE in the country last year, and would immediately help the Chicago offense.

27. Carolina
LenDale White, RB


I still like White (he mutters to himself while entertaining serious doubts). I'm not sure if he's going to make the first round in my draft. However, the Panthers could sure use a RB.

28. Jacksonville
Thomas Howard, LB


Gavin Creed alert! While I acknowledge that I really like Thomas Howard and think he's going to be a playmaker, the Jags will not be able to put up points against any decent defense, meaning their fans will get ready for another first round exit if they focus on defense. Getting a WR to replace Jimmy Smith might be better.

29. New York Jets
Laurence Maroney, RB


The Jets do much better with their second pick in Prisco's draft, getting a solid heir apparent to Curtis Martin.

30. Indianapolis
Joseph Addai, RB


The Colts make out well with the last first round RB. Addai won't make fans forget Edgerrin James, but he'll pick up good chunks of yards on those edge rushes the Colts run so well.

31. Seattle
Deuce Lutui, G


(Deep Breath) And so it comes to this. If ever we had a sign that Petey Prisco knew nothing about the Seattle Seahawks, it's with this pick. How much money does this joker get paid? People, we have insane offensive line depth. Teams would kill for our offensive line depth. We don't need this guard, especially one who has question marks. For crying out loud, Prisco, do you even look at rosters? Here's a quick thought... try NFL.com for a change. It's two seconds and it could help you out a lot.

32. Pittsburgh
Chris Chester, G-C


Again, a decent offensive line prospect for the team with an overrated line will provoke no witty retort from me. A decent final showing for the Prisconator.

Campers, my own mock draft will be out later this week. Feel free to rip it the same way I like ripping these yokels. However, I can personally guarantee it will be better than Petey's... mine will use this thing called "logic".

posted by Gavin @ 9:06 PM  0 comments

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