Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

So..... That Seahawks Offseason...

A month and a half ago a small event happened in Detroit that was ruined by several zebras and a bus. The zebras forgot that they weren't in Africa anymore and started chasing after all the birds they could find, while the bus, weighing over 3,000 pounds, discovered that it was a magic school bus that should have all the love of the world lavished upon it. That bus received more love for weighing 3,000 pounds then all of the teachers and nurses of the world combined. Now, the bus is in line to remain on television, growing even larger until it blocks out all the sunlight in the combined New England area.

After that, the Seahawks returned home with a semi-large offseason list, including resigning Shaun Alexander, Steve Hutchinson, Rocky Bernard, and Joe J., while upgrading their defense and special teams. I returned home (from Seattle) full of trust for Tim Ruskell, as well as full of gas from the load of chicken wings, salsa, and beer consumed in the previous 24 hours.

Well, a lot has happened in the past month and a half. Let’s go through a little recap, Colin style….

1. Hawks resigned Shaun Alexander: And the MVP of the league returns to Seattle with a reasonable deal (I’m too lazy to look up the numbers again, pretend that they are on the screen and that they are reasonable), solidifying his place as one of the top-5 players to ever put on a Seahawks uniform. While this move registered as an “ehhhhh” on the national meter (thank you, East Coast Bias, for once again proving yourself, as the Red Sox trading Bronson Arroyo got more press from ESPN), the move registered as an “chick-a-bow-wow” in Seahawks Nation, where we were now guaranteed of having an above-average offense once again, with Hass, Shaun, D-Jack, and Walter all on-board and Holmgren running the show.

2. Hawks lose Marquand Manuel to the Packers and Joe J. to the Browns: In both these cases, Ruskell couldn’t be faulted. Manuel knew he wouldn’t be the starter in Seattle, he wanted starter money, and so he went out and got starter money. Manuel is an interesting case, full of energy and decent in coverage, but his stats from last year were actually remarkably sub-par. He, along with Herndon, supposedly had terrible years. Thus, the return of Hamlin to form will more than make up for that loss. Just keep out of Pioneer Square, man. Geez, for a pacifist city, that Square has seen more violence in the past ten years…. (Basra West?) And, Seattle, take down all street signs and, instead, put up flower boxes and pictures of rainbows. Fits your image more anyways. Oh, yes, Joe J. to the Browns. Again, another move out of our control, as Joe moved to a situation closer to home while we offered him more money. Can’t fault Joe J. either, and I will always appreciate the effort that both these gentlemen extended in a Hawks uniform last year. However, even though it wasn’t our fault, my stomach, also upset by the IBS rampant in my system (yeah, it’s a fun condition to have, want to fight about it? (needed Family Guy reference)), upped it’s acidity, as our wide-receiving corps took a hit, as did our depth in the secondary. In fact, after dumping Andre Dyson, we were (and are) left in the unenviable position of having Babineaux and Williams as our 3rd cornerbacks (dear Jesus, no (actually, let’s make that a little longer…. : Dear Jesus, I know that you usually don’t concern yourself with sports, even though we always pray to you around the 4th quarter, but if I could just ask for one sports gift this month, it would be another cornerback so that I wouldn’t have to watch those two try to cover wide-receivers. Oh, and another punt returned so I never have to watch Williams muff a punt again. Thank you. Amen.)), which is a situation that needs to be remedied.

3. Seahawks resign Rocky Bernard and sign Russell Davis: And our defensive line gets even stronger, though this move might mean less playing time for one of my favorite Seahawks, Craig Terrill, the token white defensive tackle in the NFL. (I mean, come on. There are as many black speed-skaters on the US Olympics team.) Now Rocky can remember that he really isn’t as good as he was last year, while Davis can remember that he really isn’t as bad and oft-injured as he was last year.

4. Seahawks lose Steve Hutchinson to the Vikings: We’ve written a little about this recently, but it comes down to this. An owner with a name something like Ziggy decided to stop Minny fans from talking about boats filled with football players, KY-Jelly, and sexed-up women, as well as the fact that, in the past two offseasons, they got rid of Randy Moss (best wide-receiver in the game, though Norv Turner wouldn’t know that), Daunte Culpepper (when he is on, one of the best quarterbacks in the game, though don’t tell Vikings fans that; they swear by Brad Johnson, which is funny to me. Who would honestly take Brad Johnson over Culpepper? Are you kidding me?), and Mike Tice, one of the all-time worst head coaches of all time. Watching his pudgy face roam the sidelines was just a thrill for me, with that stupid pencil permanently attached to his ear (probably with KY-Jelly). Now, instead of having those players, they have an outstanding guard, an old-older quarterback, and the Whizzinator. Way to go, Vikings! And, Hutch, have fun in Minnesota in the winter. That’ll be a real treat, I’m sure. Of course, the Hawks wouldn’t have lost him if they hadn’t tried to save $600,000 by using the transition tag instead of the franchise tag. Oh, poor fools. Ruskell’s first undeniably bad move. Bottom line: Vikings paid a ridiculous amount to get an outstanding guard and will have a great offensive line as a result. Seahawks lost an outstanding guard…. and will have a great offensive line as a result.

5. Seahawks play the ugly step-sister in a weird dance between John Abraham, the Jets, and the Falcons: The Hawks are willing to give up their 1st rounder to get John Abraham, who is only one of the best pass-rushing DE’s in the league. However, Abraham really wants to play in Atlanta, near where he grew up. However, the Falcons don’t want to give up a 1st rounder. However, the Jets want a 1st rounder. And so we play….. the waiting game. Next move: Fly Paul Allen to John, and promise him that Allen will buy his home-town, dig it up, and fly it to Washington state.

6. Seattle signs LB Julian Peterson: This guy, two years ago, was one of the most feared players in the league, and was the best linebacker on the market. Our front seven is now officially awesome, and would up to extra-awesome with the addition of Abraham. DD Lewis is now relegated to a depth position where he can play either side, and our pass-rush should improve even from where it was last season. This is a good thing….

So, where do we stand right now? I give us a B- for no particular reason, other then I like how it sounds. Losing Joe J. and Hutch, even if one of those moves wasn’t our fault, hurts, while the additions and resignees definitely help. Next up: Nate Burleson, where we will put in his contract that he can only sign with a team that lives in Seattle at the time of the signing.

posted by colin_hesse @ 10:45 AM  1 comments


At 11:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great stuff :-)

++And so we play….. the waiting game. Next move: Fly Paul Allen to John, and promise him that Allen will buy his home-town, dig it up, and fly it to Washington state.++

Dr D


Post a Comment

<< Home


We Wrote These...