Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Big Props for Percodan!

Welcome, all those who are wondering exactly how far off the make-sense tree the Crushed Optimists staff has fallen the past few weeks. As Colin explained yesterday, Febraury has a tendency to bring out a whole new "fun" side of our personalities.

Another item that takes me to a whole new region of possibilities are painkillers. Today I had my wisdom teeth out, a product of about three years of procrastination. In order to have these teeth removed I was asked to take some knockout pills where I was informed that I probably would have some short-term memory loss. I figured this would probably cover if one of those dental-rape things happened (random Seinfeld reference). I specifically didn't wear deoderant today just in case.

I wasn't too worried when I saw that the "surgery room" was part waiting room where family members could sit in really nice chairs. While I'm not sure if my sister-in-law stayed, I can guarantee that being five feet away from oral surgery is pretty far down my to-do list. Also in this waiting room there was a movable 15 inch LCD TV, positioned so that the person sitting in the chair o' doom could have something to preoccupy his mind other than pain. However, all this money was kinda squandered since they were showing some damn dentist channel. That's right... a dentist channel. I did ask if they had ESPN, and only got an incredulous stare. Why spend so much money on LCD TVs if you're only going to show a puppy and some little girl in an oversize mouth pointing out GINGIVITIS. Of course, there was also the show with the monkey teaching about flouride. You just can't beat that. Good Monkey, show us dental hygiene is fun for all!

So now the surgery is over and the pain begins. I haven't spoken a word in about five hours (good news for most who know me) because a strain of blood seems to flow at that point. I tried getting rid of some of the gauze down the toilet, which apparently wasn't a good idea. Now I know why all those "avoid flushing tampons" signs are out there. Give me a break, I don't study those carefully... XY chromosome. So hopefully I haven't destroyed my pipes. That would be the next straw.

The pain hasn't been too bad since Mr. Percodan came to town, but since Colin had his wisdom teeth out from the same doctor and was screwed for two weeks I'm not taking anything for granted.

Now that I'm spending the next day or so in a perpetual loopy state, I know my new puppy (who should be a subject of a whole nother post) is going to take advantage. She is going to chew everything in this apartment and laugh at me while I stumble after her. Today she is going to take control.

Hopefully she'll let me watch the Cal-UCLA game tonight. Hopefully you all will.

I'll tell you one bright side of this Percodan thing. I can see the words "Gil Meche" and "two-seam fastball" and feel optimistic about our season. This is obviously what Mariner nation needs this year. Drug the heck out of us and we'll deal. We're not asking for much. Just lighten the load.

If you were looking for the Ultimate Explosion, I suppose there are a few items out there...

- Thank you NFL for not imploding today. Get the deal done. From everything I've seen there isn't enough out there to warrant a strike. During the other strikes Tagliabue and Upshaw always walked around with these smug smirks on their faces, reveling in the way the country adored their friendship. Now that they are no different from the other jerks we see we should get an apology card. It should read as such:

Dear Gavin,
We're sorry for being rich weasels. Here's some Percodan.
Gene "Slim Willy" Upshaw and Paul "Fortified" Tagliabue

- The NCAA Tournament is going to rock. Duke's loss to Florida St just nailed that point home. There are absolutely zero dominant teams. This could be the first year ever some higher seeds make it to the final four.

- My biggest spring training hope? Jesse Foppert and Yorman Bazardo show their stuff, especially Foppert, because after Piniero sucks the first two months maybe we'll see what Foppert can do. Second hope? Matt Thornton decides his calling is in herbology and quits to open a store in Berkeley. A man can dream.

- I saw a Jerome Bettis Athsma commercial yesterday where they tried to do the whole Mean Joe Greene jersey toss again and ended with the kid saying, "Thanks for everything." Let's all understand something now. Jerome Bettis needs to go away. He needs to fade off into the sunset. I'm sure he's a great guy, but he must have saved babies from a burning fire while winning a Nobel prize. Give it a rest, people.

- I'm bored with NBA teams not named Seattle. Note to Cleveland fans: Booing LeBron just might have been the dumbest move ever. Yes, boo the only chance your lame city has of reaching a championship game in the next fifteen years. Good call. In return, I'd ask your mayor to go over and be his toilet helper (you know what I mean) for the next week or so.

Loopy! Loopy! Time to let the dog out! Go Percodan!

posted by Gavin @ 5:03 PM  1 comments


At 2:44 AM, Blogger nach said...

A dog? Cool.
Also, I like the updated set of links.


Post a Comment

<< Home


We Wrote These...