Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Attack of the (Random) Rant!

See, March has a cool animal logo....

See, Gavin has a cool name on "Ultimate Explosion", so I get stuck just making up stupid names that don't mean absolutely anything. Usually, when you see a title like this, you should do the smart thing and head over to someone smart, like Jeff at Lookout Landing, or the stat-oids over at USSMariner. Basically, if you have some free time, the boss isn't heading your way anytime soon, you don't want to have to talk with the missus, or your body has suddenly become numb for the next five minutes, feel free to read onward. Otherwise.....

Sticking with me, eh? Congrats. Your reward? Me talking about the month of February, which is (finally) over, and ranks as the worst sporting month of the year. Sure, you have the Super Bowl (which shouldn't BE in February, but the NFL decided to wait an extra week to play the game so that the TV station could make even MORE money, letting TV execs have another cool mill to roll around in while rubbing Benjamin's all over their fat, jowl-filled bodies), but what else? Don't give me Daytona. How anyone came up with the stupid slogan "The Super Bowl of NASCAR" is beyond me. Two things. First, how in the world could the "Super Bowl" of a given sport be on the opening weekend? That makes zero sense to me. Nada. None. Is the "Super Bowl" of baseball spring training? Is the "Super Bowl" of women's curling the opening end? Second, how is anything a "Super Bowl" that is comprised of men racing cars around an oval for three and a half hours? Oh my God, they're..... GOING AROUND THE OVAL AGAIN!!! Seriously, when the highlight of an event is either a crash or a car stopping for gas, you know you've got a problem (then again, I'm the guy who'll watch tennis, which involves a ball being beaten back and forth for two hours while both players grunt incessently). What else do you got in February? Pitchers and catchers reported..... yippee..... all that meant was the onslaught of stories like Barry Bonds dressing up in drag (I get it, it's funny, people, but does every blog and newspaper have to do a long story/post on it?) (secondly, coincidence that he did that on the first day of filming for his reality show? Hmmmmm?), WFB actually competing for the M's second baseman job (one of these days I'll wake up and the M's will be actually run by a competent organization), and Gil Meche discovering a new pitch (WOW! I'm sure no one thought of THAT before! He sure sucked before, but now he has a two-seam fastball to also suck with! I am literally aroused right now, where I sit!). The NBA, I have heard, held an All-Star game, which was only slightly more interesting then the Pro Bowl of the NFL, which, somehow, allowed Steve McNair to participate in the game.... as a Pro Bowler..... without someone in the NFL throwing up their arms and admitting that this was all a publicity stunt and no one really cares.

There were the Olympics, which I have already written plenty on, so I guess that was something. Still, when you have to care about speedskating and luge to get your sports fix, that's not altogether an awesome thing, you know?

Yes, February was a dry month. Sure, it brought with it some episodes of "24", including Monday's episode where Frodo (played now by a huge black man) once again booted Sam (played by an even fatter, though less effeminate Sean Astin) from the special club, and "The Worst President in the World" got funky like Nixon and prayed while allowing the Russian president to be assassinated (luckily, the Russian survived, which I can only hope leads to WWIII, where Jack has 24 hours to kill the entire Russian army). Dick Cheney's accidental shooting of a hunting partner led to about two funny jokes and two million unfunny jokes. I learned, once again, that most college students know (and care) more about Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson then they do about, well, anything else. And my anniversary was yesterday, which is always nice to have happen.

But now..... now it is MARCH!

In like a LION!

Let me count some of the storylines that will fill up some ink.....

1. The NFL leads itself down the plank to mismanagement and competitive imbalance.
I'm not a purist, which is why I actually enjoy parity. I always snicker when I read some sports hack droning on about the good ol' days when about 30% of the teams had any shot at the Super Bowl and you really knew it was going to be the Steelers once again before the season really started. Hmmmm. Just like baseball..... This appears to be the path that both ownership and the players union is leading once again, mostly because rich people aren't satisfied with being rich. They want to be super-rich, and when that isn't enough, they want to be super-duper-bobicular rich, and when that isn't enough, they smoke some marijuana and forget about all their problems. All that to say..... I want to be rich, which is why I'm in the academic field. We RAKE it in, foo'!

2. Another month of talk about the NFL draft!
The actual NFL draft is in late April. That won't stop Gavin and myself to continually overanalyze every slight detail, only to see the Hawks take a center in the 1st round, completely flummoxing us. I'd say more, but the fun part of this is that absolutely NO ONE knows what they are talking about with this, including us (AND YOU, MORONS!).

3. A month of, perhaps, real basketball from the Sonics
Those trades have revitalized my interest in the Sonics, and, it appears, the team's interest in the Sonics. Read some of Ray and Rashard's quotes last night. They are loving this. The malcontents are gone, they have a true backup point guard, Petro and Swift are maintaining progress, and Bob Hill is looking like a pretty quality coach. The win over New Orleans was nice, but the first real test will be Friday against the Pistons. Sure, the Sonics will still lose, but it will be interesting to see HOW they lose.

4. Spring Training
I admit, I actually kind of like spring training, especially since I've moved down to Phoenix. I'm excited to see some games down here, watch Mike Hargrove pretend he's a manager, watch Jo-El and Gil pretend they are quality starting pitchers, and pretend that Matt Thornton has, by pure, unadulterated magic (plus steroids), become awesome and prove Bavasi right for keeping him on the roster all last year. Besides, this will be a lot more fun then the regular season, when we are assured of endless games of Beltre swinging at the pitch low and away, of Bloomquist actually taking innings away from quality players, of Snelling bringing a shot of optimism midseason before rupturing his appendix, and of rookie pitchers like Livingston being brought up only to watch them get shelled by Cleveland or Texas. However, no Ryan Franklin. That is a beautiful thing.

Of course, all these things are overshadowed by three of the coolest weekends in the sports world, namely....

Dum da da da DUM DUM, da da da DUM da DUM DUM diddittee diddittee diddittee DUMMMMMMM

5. THE NCAA TOURNAMENT!!! BOO-YAH!!!
Yes, Jesus once again proves His existence with the advent of March Madness, three thrilling weekends of upsets, brackets, and wondering when Dick Vitale got replaced with a Cylon bent on overthrowing our government and replacing it with Dictator Coach K. "Dukies, are you serious..... babeeee..... I'm a living joke....." This blog will, once again, shoot to life as UW tries to return to the second weekend, Gonzaga attempts to not choke for the first time this millenium (believe in the mustache?), and UConn/Duke/Villanova/Texas begin their march towards the Final Four (hint: one of those teams WILL be in the Final Four. Absolutely).

Ohhhhh.... I feel the life returning..... the darkness is lifting.....

Come forward, March!!

P.S. The editor's birthdays are in March, and the birthday of this blog is also in March, so much frothy liquid will be consumed on two respective days! Yeah!

posted by colin_hesse @ 12:10 PM  0 comments

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