Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Say Goodbye to Wesley...

VLADE: ANNOYING YET TALENTED

WESLEY: ANNOYING YET TALENTED


For those of you who didn't already know, I am a nerd. Super nerd, if you want to get specific. I actually had my college students write a list of characteristics that would classify a nerd, and I qualified for over half.

One characteristic was that you had to be a fan of any TV show or movie with the word "Star" at the front. And that goes for Star Trek: The Next Generation.

I was captivated growing up by the genteel voice of Patrick Stewart, the caring humor of Brent Spiner, and the "other qualities" of Mariana Sirtis. There were new worlds to explore, more opportunities to make fun of the word "assimilated", and, yes, plenty of cheesy storylines where the characters would go into the Holodeck, it would malfunction (for the 317th time, making it just about as reliable as the computer that does the employee background searches for the "24" counter-terrorist unit), and the characters would learn a valuable lesson from the individuals in (pick random time period).

One character, however, that continually rubbed me the wrong way was that of Wesley Crusher, played to nasally, annoying perfection by young Wil Wheaton, star of NOTHING ELSE. Wesley was a young stud on the U.S.S. Enterprise, taking control of the helm on multiple occasions, letting Picard point his finger and say "Engage". He even got to be in control of some missions, including the geological survey on Drema IV where where the largest lode ever of dilithium was discovered.

Wesley was well known for, somehow, saving the Enterprise crew when no one else felt capable. He saved the Enterprise from a fallen star, learned from some stupid "Traveler", and saved Picard's life on the diplomatic mission Pentarus V. He even, in the alltime STUPIDEST Star Trek episode ever, saved the Enterprise crew from looking at a stupid VR game where an alien race was taking over their minds. Remember that one? Where Riker got some alien boo-tay and, in return, the alien gave him a mind-control device that Riker was stupid enough to give to everyone onboard? Good times.

Why am I thinking about Wesley today? Because (and yes, this is a stretch) the Wesley Crusher of the Seattle SuperSonics got traded yesterday in a trade that can only be described as.... "F*&*((*&^ awesome!

You see, Vladimer Radmanovic, to me, shared many key traits with young Wesley. He was tall, gangly, white, exceedingly annoying, showed a tremendous deal of potential only to drop out of the Starfleet Academy to live with a group of Native Americans and learn from the Traveler. It's like a mirror image!

Sure, Vlade was good for pulling the Sonics out of the fire a couple of times a year, but that was massively overshadowed by the fact that he was a massive puss and spaz. Watching him attempt to play defense, I became aware of the fact that the Sonics could put a blind, mentally challenged chimp out on the court with better results. Every 3rd millenium Vlade would discover the gift of driving to the basket, but God help him if a defender stepped forward to challenge the drive. Vlade would immediately whimper, pass the ball, and retreat to the safety of the 3 point line, leaving a small trail of urine behind him.

Honestly, for a big man, he showed ZERO tenacity to get an actual rebound, content to just hang out from long range and hoist 3 pointers. Some games those would actually go in, rendering him valuable. Most games they would not, rendering him worse than useless.

Goodbye, Vlade/Wesley. You won't be missed.

By the way, go here for some cheap laughs at Wesley's expense....

posted by colin_hesse @ 11:27 AM  0 comments

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