Crushed Optimists

We are twin brothers who grew up in Central Washington. This blog is devoted to the life of Seattle sports fans, as well as various other topics that we will espouse for your enjoyment. We could be called another OFFICIAL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS site, but we'll take our uneducated crack at the Mariners, Sonics, and Huskies as well. A Seattle Sports Blog? Must be the land... of crushed optimism!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Isn't Self-Righteousness Fun?

I wasn't going to do any more posting today, but Gene Wojciechowski (like I'm spelling that again) just begged for it with this long, unfunny, self-righteous spiel about fandom. His 10 most common myths are just ripe with idiocy. On to the "fun"...

1. Dude, my ticket pays their salaries. So if I'm dipping into my wallet, I'm ripping into the players and coaches. Dude, your single-game $32 Cubs ticket doesn't even pay for a shin guard, much less Kerry Wood's $9.5 million salary. So why don't you do us all a favor and suck on a pine-tar rag.

Nice work throwing in "dude" and thus letting us all know from the beginning that you see die-hard fans as uneducated yokels. Probably red-staters in Jesusland. Also good job stating the obvious. Fans, of all people, know that Kerry Wood makes more money than we can dream of. That's part of the reason for being able to give them some crap... they don't have to care about us, because they can go back to their Hummer with the built-in XBox after the game with some homies.

2. But without me, there is no team. Yeah, the teams love your money. In some cases, ticket sales support player payrolls, especially in the NHL, where the television contracts pale in comparison with, say, the massive NFL broadcast rights fees. And, yeah, the 3.1 million fans who came to Wrigley Field last year provided much of the revenue necessary for a payroll that reached nearly $90 million.

Gene goes on to write about other revenue streams the team has. Here's where my question is... if fan attendance is so unimportant, why were teams like the Minnesota Twins facing contraction? Hmmm? Without fans, there are no $50,000 suites, there are no lucrative TV deals, and (perhaps for the best) there are no idiot writers telling us how to think.

3. We're the 12th Man. Our team needs us. Your team needs you to spend lots of money and disrupt the other team's snap count. That's it. Those 12th Man banners and flags are wonderful, they really are, but let's get something straight: You're not the one who knocked Nick Goings into the land of CAT scans; that was Seattle linebacker Lofa Tatupu. And safety Troy Polamalu and the Steelers didn't need the 12th Man's help as they won three consecutive road games to reach the Super Bowl.

Here's a nice little shot at Seattle. Awesome. The writer probably wasn't at the game on Sunday, where the noise on the field was louder than a jet engine. Think that doesn't affect a team? There's probably a reason why the Steelers were the FIRST #6 seed to reach the Super Bowl. Winning games on the road is HARD. Get that, Gene? Hard. This coming from the same set of writers who believe Pittsburgh might be the greatest team ever because they won on the road.

4. The referee deserved it. He cost us the game. No referee deserves to be hit in the back of the head with a half-full plastic beer bottle. If caught, the bottle throwers should have to spend five minutes in a very small room with NFL ref/weightlifter Ed Hochuli.

True, refs do not deserve being hit with plastic beer bottles. That's why it has rarely degenerated to that and why fans are prosecuted who go that route. You putting it in that list makes it seem like it's mainstream when at this point you were more than likely trying hard to figure out six more "myths" to hit your word count for this inane article.

5. I sit in the Bob Uecker seats. I'm so far away from home plate I need a connecting flight to reach the field. So, trust me, the players can't hear a word I'm screaming. No, but the dad and his 7-year-old kid to your right can hear you just fine. So can the elderly couple to your left. And the mom and her two daughters in the row in front of you are going to need new ear canals by the fourth inning.

Yes, loud public swearing is bad. That's probably why at the seven Hawks games I went to or the 10+ M's games I went to this past year I was around exactly zero loud swearing brutes who crushed my game experience. Do you ever sit in the stands, Gene? Oh, that's right... you get to be in the press box every time. That's why you are so in touch with the common man.

6. I sit near courtside. The players and coaches know we're just ragging on them in good fun. Sure they do. That's why, if it were legal, they'd like to beat you to a fine pulp, pour the pulp into a FedEx envelope and overnight your remains to the next of kin. But they can't, so they pretend not to hear a 5-6 cosmetic surgeon with a rent-a-date tell them how to D-up on Kobe.

Is it just me or am I back in high school. Don't hurt their self-esteem! Maybe they'll cry! Instead you should just politely clap along. Remember, your noise doesn't really matter. Maybe all we should do is read articles about the games written by authors who know better than us. Come on... there is absolutely no problem ragging on some players. Again, they're millionaires. Why the heck should they care about what we say? Now, of course there's a line. I don't think Gene Woj??????kowski cares.

7. It's a ball game, not a Washington think tank. I'm not saying fans should wear tweed and discuss Chaucer between innings. Cheer. Boo. Enjoy an adult beverage or two.

But don't actually say anything. Just make noise. Not much noise, because it doesn't really matter.

8. If the players trash talk, so can I. The players are actually playing in the game. You're shelling salted peanuts and making sure your daughter doesn't lose her American Girl doll. So maybe it's time you quit acting as though you have to stop Dwight Freeney.

This argument makes absolutely no sense. So basically because the players are in the game gives them license to do everything us ignorant yokels with dolls can't, like spit on each other and such? Yes, because they're getting paid millions to throw a ball around absolutely gives them the license to act like children. Since when does talking some trash mean we're acting like we have to stop Dwight Freeney? Is that supposed to be funny? If I wanted to act like I have to stop Dwight Freeney I'd probably have a lot more of those "adult beverages" you so kindly allow us to consume.

9. If they don't want me to drink, they shouldn't sell beer. Teams want you to drink. They just don't want you to need a liver transplant by halftime.

And again Gene is attempting to try and fill up his "10 myth" quota. Because all fans are peanut-eating, doll carrying, insult throwing drunks. Unlike him.

10. There's no way that right winger can climb over the Plexiglas and get me. Why don't you mention that to Ottawa's Brian McGrattan or Toronto's Tie Domi. But first, insult their mothers.

And Gene draws a sigh of relief for finally coming up with 10 myths. Thank you for educating me, Gene. Good job earning that paycheck. I have a few truths for Gene.
1. A majority of fans aren't stupid.
2. A majority of fans aren't drunks.
3. A majority of fans aren't abusive.
4. A majority of fans enjoy being a part of games that they love.
5. Your article was worthless.

posted by Gavin @ 5:37 PM  2 comments


At 10:48 PM, Anonymous Gary said...

Don't you think you should mention sometime that Tatupu and Tobeck are going to the Pro Bowl? Hmm?

At 9:40 AM, Blogger Gavin said...

Why would we do that? It goes smack in the face of the "disrespect" card!


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